Sunday, 23 November 2014

Saya sayang sahabat-sahabat saya.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Kadayah dah balik kampung. Kesian Kadayah sebab kena keluarkan isi perut kotak besar sebab Air Asia tak kasi bawak naik barang basah dalam cargo. Kadayah yang tadinya dah relax boleh gelak-gelak terpaksa cuak sebab flight tinggal lagi beberapa minit dan barang basah ni lagi nak dipindahkan ke dalam tong gabus putih yang kecil. Alhamdulillah kitorang tak balik lagi waktu tu. Ikin pun apalagi, keluarkan tab dia ala-ala wartawan berbayar :p

Alhamdulillah, persahabatan kitorang dah semakin pulih. Syukur ya Allah. Tak dapat digambarkan perasaan gembiranya bila tiada lagi rahsia dan syak wasangka antara sahabat. Semua orang bebas mengeluarkan pendapat masing-masing. Dan hari ni, aku borak dengan Ikin tentang uniknya kami bertiga.

“Tahu tak? Kita bertiga ni sangat unik. Berbeza. Tengok ye, saya ni jenis yang suka pendam, Kadayah pulak jenis yang cakap terus. Tapi kamu tengah-tengah, ada masanya kamu spontan, dan ada masanya kamu akan pendam.”

Aku senyap aje. Sebab antara kitorang bertiga, aku tahu aku adalah manusia yang paling tak peka. Ikin teruskan bercakap.

“Dalam soal kepimpinan, Kadayah di tangga teratas. Sebab Kadayah boleh bergaul dengan semua orang. Saya kedua sebab saya ni boleh je masuk ikut keadaan. Dan kamu pulak yang ketiga sebab tak banyak cakap dengan orang. Dengan orang tertentu je kamu bising.”

You nailed it, Ikin. “Lagi?” Aku rasa macam tengah dalam sesi perkenalan ice breaking dan kursus persahabatan untuk memulakan persahabatan yang lebih manis di tahun hadapan pulak.

“Tapi, kalau bab IQ, kamu nombor satu.”

Kahkah. Ku gelak kejap. “Sebab?” AKu dah terbayang betapa lambat pick-upnya aku selama ni.

“Sebab boleh tengok dari cara bercakap, cara bagi pendapat. Dan lagi, kamu berani meluahkan pendapat. Confident. Kalau saya ni tak berani sangat. Kadayah pulak dia tak berani kalau tak ada orang sokong.”

Dan perjalan balik ke kampung (kitorang dari bandar) pun diisi dengan perkenalan dari awal hingga ke hari ini dengan bermacam garam dalam persahabatan. Dan aku, mula peka tentang perbezaan dan persamaan antara kami, tentang hobi, warna kegemaran, makanan kegemaran..

Bersyukur. Terima kasih Allah, atas nikmat dalam samara ini. Perkenalan dengan Ikin dan Kadayah membuat aku lebih menghargai persahabatan-persahabatan yang pernah terjalin. Sekarang, aku tengah cuba untuk tetap ada ketika diperlukan sahabat-sahabat. Mencuba untuk memahami dan bertoleransi di samping tetap menjadi diri sendiri. Sedang cuba mendahulukan sangka baik dari prasangka negative.

Bila aku tanya Ikin macam mana nak ubat perangai aku yang tak suka bergaul, Ikin terus jawab, “tak payah ubah. Itu kamu. Jadi diri sendiri.”

I am blessed with wonderful friends and family. Terima kasih Allah atas anugerah mu yang tidak terhingga sedari hamba lahir ke dunia sehinggalah dewasa ini.

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Friend in need is a friend in deed.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Kehadapan blog yang dah tak aktif macam dulu. Di sini, aku ingin berkongsi sebuah cerita yang telah membuka mata dan fikiranku luas-luas.

Aku dah bagitahu dalam entri-entri yang lepas bahawasanya aku dah posting di kampung sendiri. Perasaan yang selalu aku umbar nak dikongsi, tak jugak terkongsi di sini. Sebenarnya aku nak bagitahu secara terperinci betapa perasaan aku ni berbelah bahagi sama ada nak gembira, sedih atau kecewa ditempatkan di kampung sendiri. Jiwa muda, katakan. Semangat nak merantau berkobar-kobar. Tapi, selalu aje tak ada masa. Agaknya Allah tak nak aku dwell dalam perasaan macam tu.

Aku dah cerita pasal Ikin dan Kadayah dalam entri sebelum ni. Dan aku rasa, Allah tempatkan dua sahabat ini di sekolah yang sama dengan aku sebab Allah nak permudahkan jalan aku ke arah pembaikpulihan diri. Kalau kita nak buat baik, Allah pasti akan tolong, kan? Dalil dalam surah Muhammad itu yang aku pegang sehingga ke hari ini. Di awal perkenalan dulu, riuh aje kalau kami bertiga berjumpa. Masing-masing sibuk nak memperkenalkan diri, menceritakan pengalaman.

Bulan-bulan sudah menyaksikan persahabatan yang tumbuh mekar dan kemudiannya kuncup semula. Sebab masing-masing dah kenal hati budi masing-masing. Masing-masing dah ada perspektif masing-masing terhadap diri masing-masing. Dan persahabatan kini sudah menjadi sesuam kuku.

Tapi, Allah takkan utuskan sesuatu itu tanpa sebab dan hikmahnya, kan? Nak dijadikan cerita, semalam hati ni tergerak nak pegi tidur rumah Ikin dan Kadayah. Walaupun Ikin cakap tak apa sebab Ikin tahu aku spesies cepat rindu ibu, aku tetap berkeras. Takdir Allah. Rupanya Kadayah tengah senggugut teruk. Aku adalah spesies kurang cakna. Kurang nak ambil kisah. Malas sikit nak manjakan orang. Jadinya, Kadayah aku layan ala kadar. Bagi minyak angin, tanya ok ke tak, larang minum air sejuk dan suruh bertungku. Itu aje.

Esoknya, Ikin nasihat. Ikin cakap, masa kita sakit dan susahlah baru kita tahu siapa sahabat kita yang sebenar. Masa sahabat susah dan sakitlah kita luang masa sepenuhnya dekat kawan kita tu. Patutlah Ikin beria suruh aku tengok Kadayah waktu Kadayah sakit kepala tempoh hari. Sorry, Ikin. Masa tu mood tengah tak betul, jadinya memang tak ada mood sangat nak jumpa orang. Lepas tu, Ikin suruh bagi nasi kuning dekat Kadayah pagi tadi. Aku pulak sangat malas nak cari mana satu kunci rumah yang betul untuk buka pintu rumah diorang. Nampak tak betapa tak bagusnya aku sebagai seorang sabahat? Astaghfirullah.

Resolusinya, balik sekolah tadi, aku singgah rumah Ikin. Kadayah tengah tidur. Sebelum solat Zuhur, sementara tunggu Ikin siap-siap nak ambil wudhuk untuk solat berjemaah, aku ambil dan urut tapak kaki Kadayah. Sebab sungguh, aku terkilan sangat dengan perangai sendiri. Sahabat spesies apa aku ni?

Sudahlah Noor. Buang sifat tak ambil kisah kau tu. Jangan apply dekat sahabat sendiri. Dan buang sifat malu tak kena tempat kau tu. Sifat malu untuk melakukan perkara kebaikan adalah sifat tercela, tahu?

Sekian, dari saya, insan lemah yang masih lagi belajar dari kesilapan-kesilapan tetapi sedang berusaha keras ke arah proses pembaikan diri.


Allah, forgive me. Guide me to the right path. Aamiin ya Rabbal ‘alamin.

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

PENGAWAS SPM

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Ok. Nak cerita bahawasanya aku jadi pengawas SPM 2014. Dan ianya merupakan satu pengalaman yang amatlah membosankan. Series.


Kenapa aku apply you may ask. Sebenarnya, sepatutnya, tak payah la aku nak sibuk-sibuk pun nak jaga SPM sebab aku duduk jauh dari bandar. Selalunya, yang jaga SPM ni adalah cikgu bandar yang malas nak masuk ke kawasan kampung aku waktu SPM ni berlangsung. Oh by the way, cikgu tak cuti sepanjang SPM. Budak-budak sekolah aje yang cuti. So, kitorang datang sekolah, tunjuk muka, duduk diam-diam, bosan, bosan dan bosan. Well, at least ada kawan nak dibawak bercerita, ye tak? Kalau jaga SPM, tak boleh bercakap, tak boleh asyik dengan handphone, tak boleh baca buku, pendek kata, JANGAN LEPASKAN PANDANGAN ANDA DARI BUDAK-BUDAK YANG SEDANG MENJAWAB. Well, technically, itu dah panjang kata. Oh well.

TETAPI, note that ada tetapi ye. Tetapi, kalau jaga SPM dapat elaun! Weheoo!! Kalau duduk goyang kaki dalam bilik guru dapat dosa kering aje dengar orang mengumpat itu dan ini. Huh. Serius, kadang tu aku rasa macam entah apa-apa aje berita aku dapat. Jadinya, untuk mengelakkan dapat tahu perkara yang boleh merosakkan persepsi aku terhadap mana-mana guru yang diumpat, adalah lebih baik aku chow, buat kerja sendiri, dan hujung bulan dapat elaun!

Sebenarnya, tak adalah semua bilik guru adalah sarang pengumpatan. Sebab sebelum ni tempat aku praktikal dan jadi guru ganti tak adalah sensasi lagi hangat macam ni. Kali ni, cerita sejarah silam orang pun sampai ke telinga. Huhu. Aku rasa, aku kut yang tak jaga telinga ni. Mesti ada silap kat mana-mana sampaikan berita yang sampai ke telinga jadi tak bertapis. Astaghfirullah..


Ok. Itu aje nak cerita. Semoga tak ada lagi soalan bocor. Aku dah taknak ulang jaga!!!!

Sunday, 2 November 2014

Allah bagi cabaran yang sama lagi.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Serius. Kadang tak tahu nak share apa. Tapi nak jugak tulis whatever post dalam blog.

Oh. Tahu tak (mestilah tak tahu, kan?), in my entire life, macam tak pernah dalam persahabatan aku takde konflik. Sampaikan there was this one time, I sort of questioned Allah for His plan on me. Sampaikan aku rasa, kenapa eh Allah tak habis-habis uji aku dengan ujian persahabatan? Dan macam biasa, diri sendiri yang tak betul, diri sendiri jugak yang akan kembali kepada state of akal yang waras dan akan menjawab segala kekusutan. Mungkin, aku masih tak pass lagi bab kawan dan mungkin ada bab yang aku tak habis cover. Ya, ada kemungkinan semua tu.

Tahun ni, Allah kurniakan aku dengan dua orang sahabat baru, alhamdulillah. Ikin dan Kadayah. Newly posted teachers where I’m posted. Maksudnya, sekali posting dengan aku la. Sebenarnya, aku ni spesies jelly-jelly sikit. Dan Kadayah pulak adalah spesies main aci redah aje kalau bukak mulut. Kadang tu dia tak sedar yang dia tengah menjatuhkan air muka orang. She sometimes uses this kind of tone yang orang sekampung boleh dengar (HAHA well, exaggerating is still my middle name). Tak lah. It’s just, nada dia bercakap sangat high pitch dan kadang aku ni boleh tersalah tafsir nada tu sebagai nada yang sedang berkasar, insulting, atau tak suka pada aku. Dan sesungguhnya, aku sedang cuba untuk membiasakan telinga dan hati ni untuk menerima semua tu. Sebab, adalah sangat susah nak ubah orang. Dan adalah lebih senang mengubah persepsi sendiri, kan? Dan, aku sedang berusaha ke arah mengubah persepsi terhadap nada suara Kadayah. Allah, help me.

I am neither ashamed nor worried of my jelly heart. It has making me think twice before hurting people’s feeling with acts or words that I know will hurt me too.


Benda yang sangat remeh ini kadang-kadang mengambil ruang yang sangat banyak dalam hati kita kan? Well, we cannot run from it. The one thing to do is face it. Tapi, setakat ni aku cuma bersembunyi dalam bilik kaunseling sebab malas nak sakit hati. And now I’m friend with the counsellor too! Miahaha J

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Malapetaka Wedding Props.

Assalamualaikum.

Hi. So here’s my thought of today’s marriage. It will not last long because we celebrate it like birthday party with props and what not. And not all wedding end with happily ever after ending. The couple will probably end up in asylum.

Well, at least this is what is told to me when I was over excited about making props for my cousin’s wedding by a so called adult.



So, can we just enjoy the one big day before being tortured for the rest of our life?

This is why I avoid marriage. Because I know, it will not always last long.


Screw everybody.

Friday, 10 October 2014

Bebelan Jumaat 10.10.2014

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.


So takde kaitan dengan isu Bajet 2015.


Hari ni aku ambil CRK yakni Cuti Rehat Khas ataupun dalam versi aku, Cas-semula, Rehatlah Kau. Dan ya, memang aku tengah cas semula lepas meeting English Panel kelmarin. Ok nak cakap bahawasanya, sebagai guru baharu, apalah daya dan kudrat yang aku ada bila aku dah tak disuruh mengajar tingkatan 5. Padahal kepala otak dah penuh dengan idea-idea baru untuk dipersembahkan kepada students yang bakal menduduki SPM. Tak aci langsung ok! Dan bila ketua panitia asyik tekankan pasal yang ajar form 5 adalah guru opsyen ataupun dah 3 tahun mengajar, aku cuma boleh telan air liur. Aku guru opsyen, tapi masih setahun jagung. Tak setahun pun lagi. Baru je empat bulan mengajar. Tapi takpe la kut. Ada hikmah. Maybe I am just not good enough (secretly wishing my students will make sonic boom out of their SPM results and is making secretly devilish laugh – miahahaha! *finger cross! Aamiiinnn)

Oh. Dan selamatlah aku menjadi guru tingkatan 3 tahun hadapan. Sekaligus merangkap guru PT3, sekaligus setiausaha English Panel, sekaligus guru debate. Dan aku mintak nak jadi guru drama. Sampai hati sangat diorang tak calonkan nama aku for drama padahal aku tengah secretly planning for drama scripts!

Kerja kerajaan memang macam ni. Orang lain buat kerja, orang lain dapat nama. Tapi tak kisah. Aku taknak nama tu semua. Cukup ada kawan-kawan baik dan mak ayah yang tahu apa yang aku buat dan apa yang aku dah hasilkan. Dan cukup ada sorang dua students yang cakap “Thank you teacher. Teacher dah berpeluh-peluh mendidik kami Inglish. Kami sayang teacher.” Err..

Ok. Hari tu ada kawan baik datang menangis kat aku cakap dia dibandingkan dengan kawan sebidangnya. Sebab ada sorang cikgu ni cakap. “Kalau Miza (nama kawan baik – bukan nama sebenar) tu boleh la ust L suruh-suruh macam tu. Kalau Dian (nama kawan lagi satu), dia tak berani punya.” Dan Miza kemain meraung sebab dia rasa pada pandangan guru yang bercakap tu, dia sedang dipijak. Hell no! Miza adalah spesies manusia yang suka tolong orang. Dan aku rasa, tak ada istilah dipijak bila Miza buat kerja tu dengan rela hati. Lagipun, kan ke bila kita mudahkan urusan orang lain Allah akan mudahkan urusan kita? Lagipun, ust L tu cuma mintak tolong buat kertas kerja yang cuma perlu ditaip sikit, dicopy dan cut sana sini lepas tu paste sini lepas tu print dan siap! Satu jam pun boleh siap kut. Haila persepsi orang. Aku tak faham. Tolong ikhlas sikit bila nak buat amal tu, boleh tak? Tak semestinya kita tak boleh buat apa yang bukan kerja kita. Dear Miza, bertahanlah! Kita buat kerja tolong orang kenana Allah, bukan kerana dipaksa atau dipijak. Selagi boleh tolong dan tidak membebankan, kita tolong. J

Okay. Itu aje yang nak dibebelkan.


p.s Sekarang tengah buat eksperimen One Word Essay. Harapnya tak lari konsep! (tak faham? Err. Takpe. Bai)

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Rindu kawan-kawan blogger. Tak tipu.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Dah lama tak menulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Asyik tulis dalam English sebab memang nak sangat improve dalam English. Nak buat macam mana, dah namanya guru bahasa Inggeris kena lah boleh berbahasa Inggeris dengan baik, ye tak? *lap peluh jantan di dahi*

Serius cakap, bahasa Inggeris aku dah berhabuk. Bukan berhabuk sebab banyak sangat perkataan dalam kepala otak sampaikan susah nak dibersihkan (bayangkan perabot yang sangat banyak sampaikan banyak habuk kat celah-celah). Tapi sebab dah lama sangat tak guna dan aku adalah spesies manusia yang keras hati (sekarang bayangkan perabot sikit je tapi dah bersawang dalam setor). Kalau aku tak nak, memang aku akan cuba cekalkan hati tak nak buat. Dan aku jarang speaking English dalam kelas sebabnya ada suara kecil dari otak yang cakap Noor jangan cakap English nanti kau mess up buek malu je kek bebudak ROFL.

Dah. Bukan menulis nak mengumpat diri sendiri. Nak bagitahu bahawasanya aku rindu ramai orang. Aku rindu kawan-kawan blogger yang dah lama tak dijenguk. Kawan blogger yang dulunya selalu rajin kunjung-mengunjung lepas tu macam tak sah kalau tak komen dan komen selalunya ada kata-kata smeangat yang tak bosan baca. Kenapa tak jenguk? You may ask. Dan aku akan keluar dengan bermacam-macam alasan. Alasan yang agak popular ialah aku sibuk dan line internet tak mengizinkan. Euw so yesterday punya alasan.

Ok. Seriously. Serius rasa bersalah. Sebab these persons/bloggers yang aku rindu-rindukan ni were there when I was at my lowest. Contohnya seperti kak Ya, kak Dinas, Missha, IM, Azzizatul Huda, Sajida, kak Ayu dan raaaamai lagi! Tiba-tiba, aku rindu nak kembali pada satu zaman. Zaman hati masih terasa luka. Zaman hati masih perlu pada kata-kata nasihat, semangat, penyedap rasa. Memanglah, manusia ni tak pernah puas, kan? Sekarang dah sembuh nak luka pulak? Aku pun tak faham -.-

Untuk kawan-kawan blooger yang dah lama tak dijenguk dan menjenguk. Jangan risau, aku tak lupa in shaa Allah. Dan nak bagitahu ni, aku dah posting. Guru Bahasa Inggeris tingkatan 4 dan 5. Mohon doakan pelajar-pelajar aku cemerlang SPM 2014.


Rindu! In shaa Allah akan datang menjenguk nanti :)

Monday, 15 September 2014

Maturity is reading this entry maturely.

Bismillah.


Assalamualaikum.


Mature. Seriously, I don’t know how to explain the word ‘mature’. And I am also too lazy to get the ‘Kamus Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka’ in my room (note that I am writing this entry in the dining room). Hence, I will come up with my own definition of mature from the deepest dictionary somewhere in my brain.


For me, mature is when you can make decision without hesitation and the decision is yours truly. And while making it, you are in a calm state of mind. Like for example; you are riding a bicycle and suddenly this brain-dead-maniac chicken passes in front of you doing it goofy head dance. What would you do? Would you avoid it or would you just trample over it with your flowery bicycle tyre? Or would you just shriek out of panic and end up in the sewer? If you are driving it fast, what would happen if you hit the brake? Well, don’t crack your brain. Those were actually just rhetorical questions. What I really mean is, if you are a mature person, you can make decision calmly. Something like that.


And my friend defines mature as accepting yourself as you are without giving a damn with others’ judgment.


Why the hell I rambled about being mature?


Well, it is just having a career makes this word spoken to you like every second minute hour and day of your life. This is frustrating and frustrating (sign of vocabulary lackness).


Let us take a peek of these two situations.


Situation 1:

“Noor, be mature. You act like a child.”

“You are a teacher now. You are expected to be mature.”


And there is this;


Situation 2:

“Wow. You are a mature person now. I don’t like it. I missed the time we spent together.”


*I feel like laughing while rolling on the floor.


Here’s the thing for situation 1. I like goofing around and I don’t want to release and let go the child inside me. I don’t want to feel old. It’s okay to be old but to feel it? Why would I bother not living my life to the fullest just because people want me to? And the thing that I done is not that humiliating enough that they want me to not doing it. I observe other senior teachers and they are okay about having dolls as key-chain and hoo-ha-ing with their students. Or maybe it’s just senior teachers can do it? This newbie must act maturely? Yikes. This mature word is beginning to sicken me just to think of it.


And for situation 2, you call people mature for not spending time with you without considering the fact that you have rejected their invitations of hanging out together few times. Not to mention the promises you have broken which has made them the person that you think they are. Mature.


Just live your life as you want it to be. You are not going to be young and energetic forever. Don’t be bed-ridden regretting every single moment of your life following others’ rule of living that you forgot to enjoying your own. And don’t let inconsiderate-promise-breaker person steal your joy!



p.s Oh. Forgot to tell you. I am posted in my hometown. 5 minutes away from home. Feeling? Share with you about it later!

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Should I or should I not? HELP.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

“Are you already in a relationship at this age?” My eyes wandered around the class. And they spotted this girl with wide white hijab, smiling shyly. And her friends started teasing her.


Having the experience of being in a relationship which is actually illegal in Islam, I started sharing. I told them that this girlfriend-boyfriend thingy in their early age is not good and a waste of time. I told them that why waste your time being in love and then being jealous of someone who is technically not yours, being disappointed and other stuff while you can actually enjoy your youth doing lots of beneficial things that you may proud of 5 years from now.


And the girl with wide hijab started talking. She said that being in a relationship is like knowing each other. So I said, in Islam we have engagement. We can get to know each other during that. She said that it is for her own good. They discuss about their study when they are on phone. So I told her to ask her friends or go to the staff room. She said that her friends can’t help and she sometimes doesn't have the time to consult the teachers. She kept giving excuses and reasons why what she is doing right now is right. She reminded me of me. I was just like her. Very much confident that he is mine and we will be together. And finally ended up crying for almost a year and went crazy for two years.


So yeah, I need help. Should I or should I not interfere with my students’ love life? I just don’t want them to end up like me. Being disappointed and is now very afraid to fall in love again. They are innocence teenagers whom are trying to figure out their identities that they may fall to anything they believe in. Maybe it is good for them to experience fall and rise. But why love? Why not other things? I know the feeling of falling in love is not planned. We just fall. But we can control how we manage the feeling, can’t we?



Ohhh. Maybe I am being so prejudice here. Oh please help.



p.s menyesal tak ikut cakap orang tua-tua yang lebih dulu makan garam.

Career woman.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

To those who have been reading my entries since I first published one, you must know that I studied education in university. Hence, I am now a degree holder in education, specifically TESL. I’m not that very good in English. So why the hell I become an English teacher jeopardising all innocent youngster who come to school to study??!!, you may ask. Cool man. That’s just me being modest. That’s very rare I think you should acknowledge it. If any of my friends see those words I just typed, they’ll be overwhelming knowing that I know how to be modestly modest.
Yarghhh. Astaghfirullah. What was that?!

Frankly speaking, I’m not as good as others in English. I still wonder why people can talk without hesitation in English. I maybe lack in confidence when it comes to my English. But don’t worry. I won’t jeopardise our students. I will try my best. I will try my VERY BEST.

Oh. I just got posted! So now I am officially a teacher. I don’t want to just teach them how to score A in exam. I want to touch their heart, guiding them to know the importance of English language in nowadays mad world. And some other stuffs. I want them to have fun. I want them to unleash the kids inside them so that they would write better essay with wild imagination.

I teach form 4 and form 5 students. Age between 16 to 17 year old. How am I going to get them writing with passion??


Meanwhile, I’m going to brush up my English.

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

2014 wish list

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

It has been ages since I last posted something. How are you dear blog? I hope you like the new song I put. I seriously forgot the singer and the title of this song. Anyhow, I’ll look up for it later.

I have some good news and some bad news (for me). Heh. So, I finally will get posted, somewhere on this universe, to teach secondary school. So, yeah! Alhamdulillah. I finally get what I want. To educate. To have steady job. Eh. Is it my dream to have a steady job? Truth to tell, I’m not that kind of person who can stick to the same thing for years. You’ll see me doing things that will get me away from the things that I face every day. This time, I plan to travel as far and as much as I could just so that I’ll love my job. Kehkeh. Camni barulah. Belum dapat kerja dah mengada dah bosan bagai.

Oh. Bad news. Maybe I wouldn't be spending more time with my parents. Yikes. I don’t know this feeling. I want to fly away (I enjoy freedom, I really do) and at the same time I want to be with my parents. I've been watching my father’s grey hair growing and that makes me sad. I want to travel with them to all around the world.

I want to share a secret. Pstt.. Truth is, I have finished a manuscript months ago. Last year actually. And a publisher just rejected my manuscript without giving constructive criticism. They should at least tell me why they rejected my work. Oh well. Maybe they have many other manuscripts to read. Never mind my crap.

*cry

2014 wish list:
1.     Tuition (done 3 tuition classes for primary school students, so checked!)
2.     Publish a novel *cry louder
3.     Car

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Cerita untuk yang faham.

Ada hati yang mahu mendekat. Tapi dia belum siap. Masih berkira mahu sekarang atau nanti.


Aku memutuskan untuk pergi. Pengajaran lalu cukup memberiku erti. Hati lelaki sepertinya tidak ada paksi. Si dia yang belum pasti, aku tinggalkan sepi. Pergilah. Dan tolong jangan mencuba lagi. Hati ini tertutup untuk lelaki yang tidak bijak membuat keputusan.


Dan nekad membuat aku mencuba lagi. Menyukai kerana aku yakin, dia boleh membimbing dan menjaga diri ini. Sebulat tekad, aku meluahkan rasa, tidak peduli istilah perigi mencari timba.


Kali ini, si dia ini pula belum bersedia untuk memikirkan hal-hal ikatan rumah tangga. Tapi jangan risau. Aku tidak patah hati selamanya. Kerana antara aku dengan dia, belum ada kenangan yang tercipta. Dan aku, pergi dari dia. Jawapan sudah aku terima. Kini aku tidak lagi tertanya-tanya tentang mixed signalnya. Aku tidak mahu terlebih suka. Kerana terlebih gula selalu buruk padahnya.


Sekarang ini, kita adalah penghulu kepada diri sendiri. Kita memilih, mahu kecewa atau bahagia. Mahu tertanya-tanya, atau bertanya.


Mungkin, aku out-spoken. Mungkin aku dasar opinionated. Tapi aku tahu, kalau bukan aku, siapalah yang mahu menjaga hati ini.



Ya Allah, bantulah hamba menjaga hati. Tidak mahu terluka lagi. Tidak mahu tercemar lagi.

Thursday, 8 May 2014

My love life status.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Bhahaha! Tajuk boleh bikin orang muntah tujuh hari tak makan nasi. Oh well, sekarang ni zaman kontroversi kan. Apa nak heran.

I would like to confess something. Something that is rather common to whom age is like me. 25. I am 25, and jobless. Well, yes I do have a job. But it’s not a steady. You see, I studied for four years hoping that after I graduated, I will work as a teacher. I’ve always want to be a teacher. My application to teachers’ training college was rejected because my not so impressive SPM result. So I pursued my study in form six so that I can take STPM and enter UPSI. Wow that was a very long winded explanation. It’s not that I am not grateful with what I have now and not that I do not appreciate my current job. But let’s face it. Let’s be practical. We live in mad times now. Very mad that everyone expects for raise. So I am sorry I want to be posted as soon as possible. I am sorry if I have to disagree when people have this opinion that we ISMP should look for another job while waiting rather than just wining and doing nothing.

Well, we are not actually wining. We are fighting for what we deserve. We have studied for four years, just to hold this ‘IJAZAH SARJANA MUDA PENDIDIKAN’ in our specific field. For you to hope us to be patient as long as we can, doing jobs that are not in line with our expectation and effort is very unfair. We are not being choosy. A mechanical engineering student that has been told about a position in a very big company with a handsome wage, will he just sit back and relax when he is not called in a year? How does make him feel?

To add salt in my injury, I am the eldest in my family. Being the eldest has its own bits and pieces you know. By now, I expected that I already have my own car, can already pay for my younger siblings’ fee, oh how I have so much in mind. Being 25 and jobless makes me feel useless. Now that’s and easy way to put it.

Oh. My love life? HAHA. With this so many in my mind, how can it be occupied with love life and marriage? Sometimes I envy others who can easily think about marriage as if it was a very easy thing to be involved in.


Oh well.

Sunday, 4 May 2014

Unstable BMI dilemma.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Okay. So I have told you that I would share what had happened to me since I graduated for almost a year now. I am now a happy PASTI teacher to 24 students. I would say that I am a happy mom to be exact. HAHA. There is this one time I got so angry that I asked my students “Who do you think I am that you are being so rude to me?! Do you think I am your mother?” (Well, actually I do think of myself as their mother. But sometimes they just get on my nerve and I think the actions are not suitable acted in school, to teachers. That’s why I told you before teaching these children need loads of patient!) The students innocently answer “Yes.” And my heart melted. Yargh.

Moving on. When I was a student, my weight rage is about 56 to 58. But now, I just checked few days ago, I am 65 kg! Not less than that! Nyaaa -.- what happen to me?

I suppose most people would say that is nothing to be surprised because staying at home does need a lot of courage to overcome the temptation to eat more and more.

Seriously and frankly speaking, when I am at my hometown, I don’t prefer eating at any stall. I don’t like this ‘masakan panas’. I love ‘nasi campur’. And the best ‘nasi campur’ is homemade cook by my mother.

Furthermore, my family has this love-to-eat attitude. We usually watch TV together at night. So, when we watch TV, we cannot let our mouth rest. We usually want to chew on something. Then we’ll fry anything we can find in the kitchen. Eating late at night has become one of my habits since like forever.

I don’t really care being fat because I have been very skinny since I was little girl and people around me keep asking whether I am sick or not due to my skinniness. (Even one of my best friends used to say this “I think the only time I will see you grow some fat is when you are married.”) It’s the unstable BMI that bothers me a lot! I don’t like being unhealthy. So yes, I am going to lessen the food I eat. Maybe no food at night at all and I am going to jog maybe once in a week and do sit up every morning. HAHA. That’s my goal. I am going to lose those 5 kgs!

I think this is a dilemma faced by many people like me. Having to stay at home and eat mother’s cook. Wow I made it sound as if it is a bad thing. No. Eating mother’s cook is the best feeling, but every good thing in world comes with its own price. So yeah. I gain pounds.

Must work hard to lose fat to stay in nice shape and stay healthy.


Till then, fihifzillah everyone. Let us live healthy life together! 

Saturday, 3 May 2014

Wedding invitations drive me crazy!

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Wedding invitations. School’s holiday is approaching. Hence, lots of people will be having wedding ceremony. Be it in Sabah, Sarawak, or peninsular of Malaysia. Wedding, wedding, everywhere! I am 25. So, I think it is normal for people like me to nervously wreck when I get invitations. Especially from people who are younger than me. Bohoo!

Why you may ask I say wedding invitations drive me crazy? Well, sometimes getting those invitations make me think like, “They are settling down, when is my turn?” or, “Does God forget to put me in the list of people whom are going to get married in this world?” and, “Wow they are getting so much love due to their upcoming marriage. They must be joining usrah here and there. Oh, only good people are going to get married.” Now you see, I’m a bit immature when I over think. This is why Allah prevents us from thinking about His decree. Eventually, we will usually end up questioning Him.

I am lucky because people around me do not bother pressuring me about marriage. They don’t go “You must get married before you turn 25!” or “Get married before the GST is launched!” Nay. Maybe they still see me as a little girl, having no ability to handle a marriage. Well, I guess they are partly right. HAHA. However, I cannot deny the fact that sometimes, I too wish to be happily married. It’s human’s nature! I would be abnormal if I don’t have that feeling~!

But the thing is, I am not ready. I know that I am not ready because I get easily bored being with the same person doing the same things everyday (except my family of course). I still don’t know how to cook without referring to a recipe book (sometimes my cook still taste weird even though I refer to a recipe), I refuse to get up early on holiday, I have issue with my temper, I still haven’t travel alone (wish list), I still don’t have a permanent job, oh, oh, I still don’t have my own car! (I’ll sure need this in case I get bored with my husband), and many more uncountable reasons restricting me from getting married like everybody else, now. I am NOT ready. Hence, I must bear in mind that no matter how wacko I will turn every time I get wedding invitations, I cannot be desperately asking for any bachelor to marry me.

Sometimes, getting all those invitations also makes me think “Am I not pretty?”, “Am I not good?” You see, there are some people around me keep saying that good people marry and die early. Heh. So... Me, getting married late, not wanted by anyone, is it a sign that I am not a good person? Does this kind of thinking drive you crazy sometimes?

Hm. I say, things like this should be handed to Allah and Allah solely. He has His own planning and our only job is to pray for the best and have faith in Him.

Getting wedding invitations is hard you know. I have to refrain myself from doing and thinking something stupid. Haiye. Have faith Noor. Marriage is not the centre of the universe! You’ll have plenty of time building dreamy wife’s characters in you. And who knows death may ring earlier than marriage. I think, preparing for death is as same as preparing for marriage. Both prepare you to be someone better. Well, unless you want to be in hell in both situations.


Anyone feel the same? I know that I am not alone. Air hugs!

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Oh my dumbness!

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Hi. It’s now noon 1.51. The weather is so hot I feel like I want to get into an ice box and sleep! Zzz.

So. I am now in front of my laptop thinking about have I done few minutes ago. HAHA. This is quite absurd. Well if my best friends found out about this, they won’t be so surprise.

Heh. Here goes the not so worth reading story. I was scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed when I see this page; FIXI. Publisher. I like reading all those quotes from the books FIXI has published. So, I tend to buy them, online. This is because (excuse me I want to brag) I already have my own Maybank2u! I had this since last year but have no idea on how to use it. So it has been deactivated until last two months I guess. That’s when I gain my sanity; and decided to activate it so that I can easily shop online. HAHA. Okay cut the crap and let’s back to business.

So. I saw this https://www.e-sentral.com and decided to shop. Considering the books are all very cheap. HAHA. Oh my dumbness. Later after I have purchased the book that I realized the website sells E-book! No wonder the site didn’t even ask for my address!! Urgh. Ottoke! I don’t like reading on screen. I prefer the smell and the texture and the feel of books. Oh well. There goes my RM23.30.


Shop wisely next time Noor! Pttff.

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Randomisation

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Hi. It has been a long time since I last wrote in English. The last time I wrote, it was an English essay on how two girls went to a night market. That was when I taught a boy who was preparing for his UPSR exam, last year. I demonstrated to him on how writing an essay should be done. Narrative essay to be exact (or descriptive). His mother was afraid that he would not get A for his English paper. Hence, she offered me to teach him every day from 4 to 5pm. At that time, I was already a PASTI teacher. So, I worked every day from 8 am to 12 am and then continue from 4 pm to 5 pm. Alhamdulillah, he passed. 5As. I would not pin that as one of my biggest success in teaching career because that boy already has massive vocabularies judging on how he answered paper 1.
How did I involve in PASTI you may ask. It is way beyond my course, TESL. Well, I finished studying at UPSI last year in June, dreaming on becoming substitute teacher so that I won’t look pathetic being 24 and still asking money from my parents. Unfortunately, I left all my certificates back at my aunt’s house! That was so very clever of me don’t you think? Applause!! So, jobless-ly, I stayed home, cursing my recklessness.
It was nearly August and my mother brought back some good news. She told me that my high school teacher who is happened to be the PASTI’s principle is searching for PASTI’s teacher as their former teacher has quitted so sudden due to some unforeseen matters. The children will have nasyid competition on September so they really need a teacher. I was speechless. Have nothing in mind at that time. Well you see, I have never imagined me as a teacher to 4 to 6 year old children! Yes, I love kids. Who doesn’t? They are adorable and impossible not to love. But the thing here, you are not going to play with them. You are going to TEACH them! Those clueless minds. That was one hard decision. So, I just say yes considering that I love teaching nasyid to students and that teacher was a very good teacher to me when I was in high school. So yeah, I ventured pre-school just like that.
Teaching them is not easy. Argh. How I salute mothers. I used to salute primary school teachers, and then I narrowed the salutation to preschool teachers, and now, great salutation to mothers all over the world! They have been teaching their children from nothing to everything! You should see me yelling here and there when the children start climbing and hitting one another. Urgh.
I have shared about them not a long time ago. You can search in my previous entries (if you want). Teaching children needs a lot of patient. Without patient, these students will get bruises here and there (being canned by the teacher).
I guess this is for now. Will share more, later. About me being fat, me being substitute teacher, me being active citizen (HAHA), me being a cook yada yada yada.

Till then, assalamualaikum w.b.t.




Monday, 28 April 2014

Sambutan hari lahir yang setel.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah, majlis hari lahir yang dirancang went well walaupun takdelah seperti yang dijangka sangat. Yang penting, berjalan lancar.

Checklist:

Kek Hello Kitty biru, checked!
Dadih, checked. Oh by the way, kan aku cakap nak masukkan dalam goody bags. Hehe. Dadih aku buat tak sedap. Note that aku tak terer masak. Jadinya, kitorang letak aje dadih tu kat ruang tamu, atas meja. Tapi alhamdulillah, budak-budak suka. Jadinya, sebelum diorang balik, kitorang masukkan dadih tu dalam goody bag masing-masing.

Goody bags, checked and cukup untuk budak-budak yang datang. Nasib baik ibu suruh buat lebih sikit.

Mee goreng, checked. Adik lelaki aku yang masak. Hehe. Dia chef in the house.

Ayam goreng, pun checked.

Tahu tak apa yang aku lupa sangat nak listkan semalam??
Pinggan mangkuk, cawan dan garfu!! Dan ais batu!!

Dahlah sehari ni perut diserang senggugut. Tengah kemas-kemas ruang tamu, rasa nak terduduk pun ada. Nasib baik dah siap vacuum. Sebabnya ibu kalau siang-siang kat kedai makan kitorang. Jadinya, up to me la nak buat persiapan. Jadinya, lepas aje vacuum sikit-sikit, aku masuk bilik, meringkuk. Cuba tidur. Dalam dua jam jugak aku tidur. Sebabnya bangun-bangun tadi dah nak dekat pukul 5.

Kelam-kabut jugak nak lap-lap pinggan, cawan dan garfu. Nasib baik jiran ada jual ais batu. Hehe.

Over all, alhamdulillah. Aku happy sebab budak-budak tu happy.
 
Letak gambar anak jiran je. Malas nak publisitikan adik. HAHA.
Adik aku? Heh. Tak Tanya lagi. Sebabnya badan dah lenguh-lenguh lepas cuci piring.



We are happy used utensils! :D

Good night y’all!

Pelan hari lahir.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

My family is no Malibu rich people. Jadinya, having birthday selalunya akan jadi jamuan kecil-kecilan antara kami-kami aje. Waktu aku kecik-kecik dulu ada jugak ibu dengan ayah jemput kawan-kawan sekerat dua kerat jiran-jiran sebelah rumah. Teringat lagi, masa tu takde karan. Jadinya, aku sambut birthday berdua dengan adik yang lahir dalam bulan yang sama cuma beza seminggu dalam lampu romantika samar-samar. HAHA. Lepas tu lagi, kalau birthday ataupun khatam al-Quran, ataupun saja-saja nak sedekah untuk ahli keluarga yang dah tak ada, ayah akan suruh kitorang bawak pisang ke sekolah, bagi dengan kawan-kawan. Takpun hantar ke masjid. Hehe. Those good old days.

Eh dah-dah. Ni apahal mengimbau kenangan lama? Dah tahu diri sendiri spesies kalau down to the memory lane empangan mata macam tak sah kalau tak membuak-buak nak tumpahkan air. Haiye.

Ok. So. Ceritanya, esok birthday adik kitorang yang bongsu. Dan disebabkan alhamdulillah ada rezeki lebih sikit, in shaa Allah hari lahir ini akan disambut esok. Preparation? Heh. Kan dah cakap no rich Malibu family, tak boleh nak tiru macamana Irene prepare birthday party untuk Medina.

Pertama, kek. Kek kali ni main tempah aje. Sebab... Heh. Sebabnya nak tolong-menolong sesama ahli blok. Barisan perumahan aku ni ada orang yang buat kek tau. Hm. Aku ni orang Felda. Jadinya, kitorang ada kumpulan masing-masinglah kiranya. Dan pengusaha kek ni adalah dalam kalangan kumpulan kami. Ah. Kalau nak cerita pasal blok aku nanti ke laut pulak jadinya entri ni. Cerita Felda dan blok lainkali aku share. Jadinya, dengan niat nak membantu anak peneroka mengembangkan bisnesnya, kek kali ni akan ditempah. Disebabkan adik aku suka Hello Kitty dan warna biru, aku pun tempah kek Hello Kitty warna biru. Entah macam mana agaknya kejadian kek tu aku pun tak sure. Harapnya sedap dan cantik ajelah.

Kedua, makanan. Biasa-biasa je kut. Mee goreng dan ayam goreng. Selalunya memang akan tu aje yang dimasak untuk dijamu.

Ketiga, goody bags. Isinya aku letak jelly-jelly dengan London Swiss Roll tu aje. Bajet nak agihkan kepada dalam lebih kurang 20 orang kanak-kanak (ya, BM aku teruk). Tengoklah, kalau rajin esok aku nak masukkan gula-gula sikit.

Tengoklah, ini aje yang mampu. 20 goody bags dalam bakul raga kecik ni je. Hehe. Ikut kemampuan lah kan..

Dan lagi, aku ada buat dadih. Sekarang tengah dilema. Nak masukkan dadih dalam goody bag ke nak letak je as dessert? Hm. Tengoklah esok macam mana.


Ada yang cakap, birthday tak payah sambut. Ada yang cakap, jangan berlebihan dalam buat jamuan. Heh.

Pandangan aku, kita ada banyak cara nak bersedekah. And maybe, buat jamuan makan-makan macam ni is one of many ways kita boleh praktikkan amalan bersedekah. Kalau ada rezeki lebih, kenapa tak kongsi dengan jiran-jiran kan?

Aku rasa, kitorang dah memang terdidik macam ni kut dari kecik. Alhamdulillah Allah has granted us with parents yang tak pernah lokek dalam berkongsi bila ada rezeki lebih. Betullah cakap ayah, perasaan memberi adalah suatu perasaan kepuasan yang tak boleh nak diungkap dengan kata-kata melainkan dirasa sendiri oleh sang pemberi itu sendiri. You nailed it dad!


p.s Harap-harapnya plan untuk esok menjadi. Adik tak tahu lagi ada tempah kek dan goody bags bagai. Semoga Allah merahmati mu adik sayang!
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